Misconceptions
by ilovespunkransom
Summary: Okay. This is definitely NOT a good day. is it ever a good day for cloud and tifa? not while yuffie's around!
1. Chapter 1

okay so this is my first fanfic. my freind and i came up with these really random situations in school one day so i decided to make a fanfic about them. YAY! hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer: i don't own final fantasy or any of its characters-they belongs to square enix.**

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(Tifa's POV)

Okay. So lately, things around the bar have been….strange. To say the least. Well, I guess I should explain. So it all started like, last week. Since Cloud saved the world twice I guess he doesn't have all that much to do anymore to keep up his buff biceps… and toned triceps… and his hot buns and thig-okay nevermind that! Anyway. So he turned part of the basement of seventh heaven into a sort-of workout room.

Around that time, last Friday to be exact, Yuffie came to visit. But at around three she mysteriously went missing so, obviously, I started searching for her, but I knew she couldn't be up to any good…..

_Flashback_

_Where the hell is she???? Maybe in Denzel and Marlene's room. Or in the bathroom? On the roof. No. in the baseme-oh SHIT! She's gonna drink all the grape Smirnoff again!!!!_

_As I cautiously approached the door to the cellar, I heard a strange noise. But it wasn't the _glug glug_ sound of Yuffie downing multiple bottles of rancid, artificially flavored alcohol I was expecting. It was…. Panting?_

_Odd…._

"_Yes, Yuffie. Just like that. Right there."_

"_But Cloud, it hurts! Ya fuckin' bastard!"_

…_OH…MY…GOD._

"_Too bad." _

"_Holy fuck, man! I can't be thrusting this thing up and down for much longer!"_

"_You're the one who wanted to do this. Now keep going."_

"_I didn't think you meant this is what you told me we were gonna do!!!!!!!!!!"_

"_Oh just shut up and finish the job."_

_Am I hearing what I think I'm hearing? No wait I can't hear anymore. I think I've gone deaf. I never thought Cloud was so…….demanding._

_Wait, why am I being so cool about this!?!?!?!?!? I should go down there and spin kick BOTH of their heads off!!!!!!!!_

_So… I burst through the heavy wooden door , ran down the stairs as quick as a mongoose(I've never seen one in action but I've heard they're pretty fast), and before my eyes was a scene not nearly as raunchy as the one I had imagined._

_Yuffie was lifting bench pressing forty pounds on Cloud's weight bench. How odd._

"_Tifa?"_

"…_..Yeah, um… sorry I thought I left some of the…uh…grape Smirnoff down here. But I guess not. So, um, carry on."_

"_But the Smirnoff is right here!"_

_But I was already up the stairs._

_As I closed the door I heard that certain masculine, now fading voice, "Wait, you didn't drink it all?"_

_BAM! _

"_Ow!!! Yuffie! That was a twenty pound weight!"_

"_Serves you right you chocobo ass."_

_End flashback._

That was just one of the many instances this past week that made me think it would be a good idea to have Cloud run my skull over with fenrir just so I can slip into an 'accidentally' induced coma and forget I ever saw and or heard that.

But I don't think Cloud would agree to that. But I do have a psycho klepto-maniac ninja I could use as a back up plan. So its all good.

Oh and this past Tuesday I thought Marlene was trying to saw Denzel in half with a cucumber! But that's another story.

But this morning, surprisingly, nothing extremely outlandish happened so I'm kind of hoping it'll stay that way for the rest of the day. I hope. But strange things do seem to happen behind the closed doors of Seventh Heaven.

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**A/N: so i hoped you guys liked the chapter! please please please PLEASE press that little green button at the bottom of the page!**


	2. Chapter 2

(Tifa's POV)

Today has been hell. Yuffie came over _again_-I mean, its not like she wasn't just here last Friday, (I can only take so much Yuffie, just like everyone else!) and taught the kids how to make the trash in my room EXPLODE. One minute I'm just putting away clean clothes and the next I hear a little 'beep' and then there is dog food, rotten cabbage, deceased worms, feathers, and chicken fat in my face. And don't even ask me where they got half of that stuff because I don't give a crap, and I don't know. The only thing I did know was that it smelled like shit and I was FUCKIN' PISSED. Therefore, I made it a point for Yuffie to get the hell out of the bar before I shaved all her hair off, and for the kids to go down in the basement and clean up all of the empty bottles from all the busy nights at the bar and then clean all the rooms in the house. Except mine; I did not want my nap to be disturbed.

Yes, I know. I AM TAKING A _NAP_. But Cloud is always saying I need to take more breaks so I am. He can be so sweet…but then maybe HE should try cleaning and taking care of the bar every day of his delivery-boy life. Then he would see why I never take breaks! But today I am. So there.

So I lay down on my comfortable, loving bed, and it felt like home. Actually it felt more like a giant weight being lifted off my shoulders, but whatever. I closed my eyes, and then it was lights out.

(Cloud's POV)

Today has been hell. Yuffie came over _again_-I mean, its not like she wasn't just here last Friday, (I can only take so much Yuffie, just like everyone else!) and taught me that if she comes over one more time in the next two years, I'm pretty sure I(and probably Tifa) would shave all her hair off. This morning she had Denzel and Marlene up at 4:30(still not sure how she did that), and got them to pour tomato juice in my hair. And of course I was still asleep and when I woke up due to a V8 soaked bed and looked in the mirror….lets just say I looked like an electrocuted carrot. But maybe I should thank her because if that hadn't woken me up for a delivery to Tseng's that day; I'd still be asleep, now, at 2:00 in the afternoon. Okay maybe I shouldn't thank her because I'm pretty sure my scalp is still beet red from all the scrubbing I did in the shower this morning. Ugh. But I _did_ decide not to tell Tifa. Just for their-yes, all of them, not just Yuffie's-sake.

So, at this moment, I am walking through the door to Seventh Heaven to find….nothing. Well, all the furniture and stuff is still here but there's no Tifa behind the bar or the kids coloring on the floor or Yuffie being conniving in a corner or...anything. nothing. at all. Come to think of it, it was kind of spooky. Did I seriously just think that? Spooky? God.

But I really was creeped out. So as I walked up the stairs I yelled, "Tifa?"

No answer.

"Denzel?"

No answer.

"Marlene?"

No answer.

I didn't want to have to say that last, dreaded name. But I did it anyway. Stupid. _Stupid. __**STUIPD**_.

"…Yuffie?"

….no answer.

Weird.

As I'm walking down the empty corridor to the kids' room, I hear sounds coming from behind Tifa's door. It sounds like she's talking to someone…maybe Yuffie?

Oh yeah. Girly bonding time with those two? With the way Teef has been acting lately? Hellz to the no.

God I am so gangster. It's amazing.

So I'm walking up to the door, I'm placing my hand on the knob, I'm turning the knob, and I am now slightly cracking the door open.

"NO. Wait! Stop that mister!"

Huh?

"Now you can keep going. PUSH HARDER!"

What the…..

"Are you kidding me? What do you mean it's not going in?!?!?!"

(bed squeaks)uuummmmmm….

"Spread your legs farther! Oh my god I'm falling off!!!!!!"

BAM.

At this point I am almost slammed against the opposite wall I ran in there so fast.

"Teef?"

"huh? Cloud? Why am I on the floor?"

"I don't know…um… what were you just doing? Um, just now?"

"taking a nap?"

Tifa was taking a nap? Strange…..

"why?"

"Because I heard you talking, and-"

"OHMYGODWHATDIDISAY"

"Something about…push harder and…um….something not going in and, uh, you were telling someone to spread their legs further apart…"

Okay this conversation was getting _waaaaaayyyyyyyyy_ too uncomfortable for my taste.

"OHAREYOYKIDDINGMEI'MSOSORRYIWASHAVINGTHISDREAMABOUTMARLENEANDDENZELWELLACTUALLYITWASMORELIKEANIGHTMAREBUTBEFOREYUFFIETAUGHTTHEMHOWTOMAKEMYGARBAGRCANEXPLODEANDIKICKEDYUFFIEOUTANDITOLDTHEMTOPACKUPALLTHEEMPLYBOTTLESINTHEBASEMENTANDDENZWASSTANDINGONTOPOFTHEBOXANDSOWASIANDHEWASTRYINGTOGETTHELASTBOTTLEINTHEBASEMENTANDIGUESSIWASREPEATINGMYSIDEOFTHEVONVERSATIONBUTITSKINDAFUNNYCUZTHAT'SACTUALLYWHATTHEY'RESUPPOSEDTOBEDOINGRIGHTNOWAND…AND…AND…"

"Oh."

Surprisingly, I understood all of that. I _must_ have superpowers! YES. Ahem. Anywaysss….back to the present.

I reached down with one hand to the hysterical woman on the floor, and she took it gratefully.

"Thanks. Sorry."

I replied a quiet 'you're welcome' and suggested we go down to the bar and relax while the kids finished up in the basement. See?!?!?! I told you I understood what she said!

On our way down the stairs, her long, russet hair brushed against my swinging hand. It sent a shock through my whole body.

To stop the blush that was threatening to appear on my cheeks, and also to distract myself, I rapidly asked her if she enjoyed her nap.

"Yes, I did. It was nice to take a break from the kids for a few hours, even if I did spend them unconscious."

A small giggle escaped her lips and I couldn't help the smile slowly spreading across my own face as we took a seat at the bar.

Maybe today wasn't a living hell. Maybe it was a good day. Maybe it would continue to be a good day if the kids did what they were told, and they always did.

Yes, today _is_ a good day.

"Tifa?" Yelled Marlene from up the stairs of the basement, "We have a problem."

"That's way too general, Marlene," criticized Denzel.

"To be more specific Tifa, you only gave us one big box but we can't fit in the last bottle of that disgusting grape stuff in it."

Tifa turned to me with a pained look on her face and said, "I thought there was still seven bottles of the grape liquor down there?"

At that moment, we heard a giant thump on the roof of the bar, glass shattering, and Yuffie screaming, "sorry! SORRY! NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN! A-HAH! HHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHH!!!!!"

Okay. This is definitely NOT a good day.


End file.
